No Idea

Today's April Love 2015 prompt was "an inspiring quote".

That's one of my favorites. It's from Mary Oliver's poem 'The Summer Day'

It's been a favorite of mine for a while, but today it doesn't have me feeling inspired. Instead, depression is trying to get its hooks in me.

I wrote a short poem that I'm not sharing here. If I forced myself to post everything, I would likely freeze up and stop writing.

I am feeling like I want to give up on this daily poetry thing. I'm not feeling it.
I'm not sure what I'm feeling really.

I'm watching TV and making art to keep the negativity from taking over my head. At the moment that's the best I can do to take care of myself.

Plans and a Poem

I may be taking on to much in April. I have such good intentions, and then I forget how easily I get overwhelmed and how bad my anxiety can get.
I need to remember to keep my balance and not try to do too much if I'm not feeling up to it.

These are some of my plans for April:



The first 5 were inspired by my friend Jim's blog post about choosing happiness.
#6 is from Susannah Conway's  April Love Challenge!!!
#7 and 9 are my own ideas
#8 is because of NaPoWriMo


Here is today's poem...

Overwhelmed

drowning in the overwhelm
drowning in my own fear

pulling me under again

paralyzed

there’s no treading water like this

pulling me under again

nothing last forever,
except this

So Long Ago...

Me in the early 1970s at my grandmother's house.
I used to spend a lot of time there.
I'm holding a bag of goldfish crackers!
Oh man I used to love those!
My daughter is a big fan of them these days :)

April's Poem #1: This girl, lost

This girl, lost

This girl, lost
unsure.

Dancing circles,
are you dizzy yet?

Are you finished?

Don’t slow down,
you’ll remember.

This girl,
isn’t me.

They all said----
behind her back.

Don’t slow down,
don’t remember.

Dream or memory?
Too long past to know.

Don’t slow down.

Lost without a map,
two steps back.

Don’t remember.

This girl, lost.

Writing

Not that long ago, a friend from high school asked me if I still wrote.
I took my time answering. I wasn't sure of what to say. It's been a long time since high school and I have written off and on during that time, but I haven't been all that consistent, and I haven't really done anything with my words.

I've participated in various NaNoWriMos for fun and have written several 'novels' just for fun that I don't let anyone else read.

I write in my journal regularly.

So, I never really stopped writing, yet I still found it hard to answer the question.

I felt like I should have had a better answer. I felt like I should have been able to say that, yes I still write, I never stopped, it's who I am...and I'm making money at it.

But I play in the visual arts more these days than I do with words. It's more who I am now. At least in this moment. But no, I don't make money at that either.

I hate how our society makes us feel like if we don't make money at something, it's just a hobby, nothing of real worth.

I used to write angsty poetry in my teen years, but have written very little poetry since then.

But I have decided to write a poem a month in April. For NaPoWriMo and Camp NaNoWriMo

I'm not sure if I will post any here. I may post excerpts. I will probably be posting photos of my written words on instagram. I'll be writing with pen and paper, not on the computer.

Hopefully it will be fun and not too stressful, I guess that's probably up to me.

Project Finished

I found this on a watercolor block a little while ago. I started it probably a year or so ago and then set it aside unfinished.



Last week I decided to get out my watercolors and finish it!

It's time for something new.

It may not be the start of a new year, it being March and all, but I decided a new blog was in order since I've long abandoned my previous one.

I've been spending my time making art, taking photographs and taking care of my beloved family.

Winter has been long around these parts. So much snow, I wonder if it will ever melt, and kind of fear what will happen when it finally does. Luckily I live on top of a hill so I'm not so worried for myself. I do have to go out from time to time though.